


Days of You

by HPsmartone32



Series: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs Proudly Present: [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Marauders' Era, in which Remus is a bit slow on the uptake, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 09:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12318060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPsmartone32/pseuds/HPsmartone32
Summary: One hundred and sixteen. That’s how many days Sirius Black has fancied Remus Lupin. Not that he’s counting. Except that he obviously, totally is counting. In tally marks on the underside of the curtains above his four poster, actually.Only, now Remus is dating someone and Sirius hates them - though he does admit that his hatred would be better directed if Remus would just tell him who it is.





	Days of You

One hundred and sixteen.

 

That’s how many days Sirius Black has fancied Remus Lupin. Not that he’s counting.

 

Except that he obviously, totally _is_ counting. In tally marks on the underside of the curtains above his four poster, actually. One hundred and sixteen tally marks scorched into the red curtain right above his head.

 

It’s these tally marks that he’s thinking of late one early-February night as he lies in Remus Lupin’s bed – alone – staring up at the mark-free top of his dorm mate’s four poster. He’s closed the curtains and is twirling his lit wand in his hand, a somewhat nervous habit he’d developed somewhere around second year.

 

It was past curfew, Sirius was certain. He hadn’t checked his watch lately, because when he _had_ been checking his watch, it was ticking time so slowly Sirius convinced himself it was broken.

 

Finally, just when Sirius was about to dig out James’ cloak and go looking for Remus always-in-bed-by-ten Lupin, he heard the door to the dormitory squeak open and the sound of footprints approaching the bed. Sirius continued to stare up at the mark-less curtain-ceiling, twirling his wand, until Remus slid open the curtains.

 

“Hello,” Sirius said pleasantly.

 

Remus nearly jumped out of his skin, letting out a small scream and pulling his wand from his pocket, directing it at the intruder in his bed.

 

“What the hell, Padfoot!” Remus recovered, lowering his wand when he realized it was only his mate.

 

Sirius caught up his wand in his hand and read his watch by its light, “It is,” he started, then frowned slightly. He held up an index finger to Remus.

 

“Wassgoin’on,” came a sleepy call from James’ bed. “Someone dying?”

 

“Padfoot might be,” Remus deadpanned.

 

“‘Kay,” James muttered sleepily. The heard the rustle of sheets as he rolled over.

 

“I ask again, what the –”

 

Sirius waved his finger in Remus’ face again, counting off a few more seconds before, “It is now _exactly_ two hours after curfew, my dear Moony, and you are just returning.”

 

He looked over and even in the dim light, Sirius could see Remus’ cheeks color. Remus didn’t say anything, just laid his wand on the table by his bed and passed a hand over his face.

 

“I thought you were going to the library,” Sirius pressed.

 

“I _was_.” Remus said. “I mean, I _did_.”

 

“The library closes half an hour before curfew, there’s no way you were there the whole time,” Sirius pointed out. What he _didn’t_ point out was that he knew that this was the second time that Remus had been out this late in the last week; he’d been late last Thursday as well.

 

“I never said I was going to be there the whole time,” Remus whispered back. “Also, how do you know when the library closes? You hate that place; last time you were in there you spent an hour magicking paper balls to hit Madam Pince until she figured out it was you and kicked you out. And that was almost a year ago!”

 

Sirius shrugged and sat up, throwing his legs off the side of the bed towards Remus. He leaned forward, Remus took an uneasy step back and frowned at him.

 

“What are you –” Remus stopped when he heard Sirius inhale. “Are you _sniffing_ me?” Remus asked, indignant.

 

He was. Remus usually smelled like chocolate and something earthy, like the woods after a nice rain, but now Sirius noticed that peppermint seemed to be the dominating smell. Sirius didn’t like it.

 

In answer, Sirius shined his lit wand up into Remus’ face. He briefly saw a portrait of kiss-plump lips and disheveled hair before Remus grabbed Sirius’ wrist and forced it down, “For Merlin’s sake!” he whispered harshly.

 

“You’ve been out on a date!” Sirius accused him, eyes narrowed and chest constricting. He hoped Remus would deny it.

 

“Will you lot shut the hell up?” Peter moaned from the bed across from Remus’, irritated.

 

Remus ran a hand over his face again, rubbing at his eyes. He sighed. Then he opened his eyes and pushed Sirius back into the safety of the four poster curtains, “Just wait here,” he hissed. He closed the curtains around Sirius, who scooted to the far side of the bed and lay back down against the pillows, twirling his wand again.

 

A minute or so later, Remus drew back the curtains long enough to slip through them, now in his pajamas, and collapse on the bed next to Sirius. Lying next to Remus, the unnatural peppermint smell that hung around him was incredibly potent, making Sirius nauseous. He could barely make out the chocolate smell underneath it all.

 

“What’s your problem?” Remus asked, sounding annoyed.

 

“You were on a date,” Sirius accused, turning to face him. He tried not to wince when he realized he’s inadvertently answered Remus’ question.

 

“So what if I was?” Remus asked, cheeks still pink, but looking defiant. Sirius felt his stomach fill with lead.

 

 _See. This. This right here, is why Sirius Black doesn’t_ do _crushes!_

 

“Who was it?” Sirius asked, trying to make the question sound casual, though it came out a lot sharper than it was meant to. He wasn’t even sure why he asked; he was fairly certain he didn’t want to know. What if it was some bird in their house and he had to sit in the damn common room with her every day, knowing that she was snogging Remus?

 

With thoughts like this, Sirius was beginning to see how James could get so irrational about Evans.

 

Remus’ face seemed to turn even more pink, “I’m not telling you.”

 

“What?” Sirius asked, shocked. “Why not?!”

 

“Why should I? So you lot can tease me about it and scare them away?”

 

_No, so I can kill her and hide her body deep in the Forbidden Forest where no one will ever find it._

 

“No, because we’re mates! You never tell us who you fancy!” Sirius said, his voice dancing the line between whispering and talking.

 

“I don’t fancy that many people!” Remus whisper-screamed back at him. Sirius was hit with a wave of peppermint and, hearing his heartbeat in his ears, realized that the smell was also on Remus’ breath.

 

“You had a thing with someone in fourth year you wouldn’t talk about!” Sirius told him, trying not to vomit from the overwhelming smell of peppermint. Surely it wasn’t this strong; it had to be his mind making shit up. “And, okay, then you took that Bones bird from Ravenclaw out to Hogsmeade and got on with her for a bit and you told us about that _kind of_ , but still.”

 

“You and James made obscene gestures across the Great Hall every time I tried to sit with her at meals!” Remus pointed out fairly. “You made it impossible to talk to her when you lot were around.”

 

Sirius squirmed a bit, not really fancying a trip down memory lane at the moment, “We were just excited for you, Moony. Merlin knows why, she was so bloody serious all the time. She could’ve used a bit of lightening up, to be honest.”

 

“And still you wonder why I’d rather not share this information,” Remus muttered.

 

Sirius pulled himself out of the memory of Remus and Amelia Bones relatively short-lived relationship. He narrowed his eyes at his mate, “Who is it? Meadows? I knew she fancied you something fierce.”

 

“Merlin, no,” Remus shook his head.

 

Sirius paused. “McKinnon? She’s fit enough.”

 

“No.”

 

“That one Hufflepuff bird that’s always –”

 

“ _No_.” Remus said firmly.

 

“You don’t even know who I’m talking about!”

 

“I do, and it’s not her,” Remus insisted. “Look, I’m not telling you. Leave me alone and go to sleep or I’m kicking you back over to your bed.”

 

Sirius had crashed in Remus’ bed before (when he was feeling especially masochistic about his stupid crush) so it wasn’t incredibly odd that Remus assumed he’d be staying. He’d also bunked with James before, when they’d stayed up late prank planning or talking about Sirius’ shitty family.

 

“I can’t believe you won’t tell me,” Sirius pouted.

 

“Goodnight, Padfoot,” Remus said, shuffling around until he was underneath the duvet and turning so his back was to Sirius.

 

Sirius didn’t extinguish his wand. He stared at the top of the canopy again. After a while Remus huffed and rolled back over grabbing Sirius’ hand that held his wand and whispering, “ _Nox_.” The wand went out. Sirius barely resisted calling it a traitor for listening to Remus in this moment.

 

“Wait,” Sirius said instead. “ _Lumos!_ ”

 

“What?” Remus sighed, looking up at him. “I’m exhausted and I want to go to sleep, Sirius.”

 

Sirius stared at him and tried not to think about the reasons he might be exhausted. “You’re not going to shower first?” He finally said.

 

“What?”

 

“Shower,” Sirius repeated, rolling onto his side and kicking at Remus’ feet with his own. “You smell awful.”

 

Remus spluttered a bit before, “I do not, I showered this afternoon!”

 

“Do so,” Sirius countered. “You smell _all_ peppermint and _no_ Moony and it’s overpowering all my senses. It’s dreadful.”

 

Remus stared at him.

 

“Shower! Now!” Sirius pushed Remus’ shoulder until he nearly fell out of the bed.

 

“Are you really kicking me out of my own bed to go shower?” Remus gaped at him.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s late, Sirius, I just –”

 

“Shower!”

 

“You can’t –”

 

“Watch me,” Sirius leveled a Very Serious look at him. Remus stared back, searching his face for something, before sighing again.

 

“Fine,” he ground out, nearly toppling out of bed and heading off to the bathrooms.

 

Sirius rolled back over to his back, stared back at the blank canopy. He heard the shower start up in the other room.

 

He left Remus’ bed before he came back from the showers. It took Sirius a long time to fall asleep that night; judging by the rustling sounds from the bed across from his, Remus wasn’t sleeping well either.

 

 

 

 

The next morning Sirius was jerked out of sleep when someone ripped open his curtains. Blinking in the early morning light, James slowly came into focus.

 

“Moony has a hickey,” James stated, full of glee.

 

Sirius didn’t see what was so goddamn great about that, seeing as Sirius himself hadn’t been the one to give it to him. He did vaguely wonder how he’d missed it the night before, though.

 

“So?” he grumbled, sitting up and wiping at his eyes.

 

“So?!” James nearly screeched. “Did you not hear me? I said _Moony_ , our Moony, has a –”

 

“I heard you just fine, thanks,” Sirius snapped, grabbing his wand off of his bedside table and standing haphazardly on his mattress. He grabbed the side of the wooden support to steady himself and, so _very_ annoyed with himself, burned another tally mark into the curtain.

 

“What are those for again?” James asked, momentarily forgetting to attack Sirius with terrible news.

 

“I’m counting how many times Evans has turned you down,” Sirius said casually, falling back down to the bed.

 

James scowled at him, “Why’d you just add another mark then?”

 

“Remembered that time you charmed the tea kettle to sing to her at breakfast.”

 

James made a rude hand gesture and walked off, muttering about shit best mates.

 

Sirius laid back down. It was the beginning of February, Sirius Black was seventeen, and he had fancied one of his best mates for one hundred and seventeen days. _Bloody hell._

 

 

 

Remus shot them annoyed looks from behind his copy of the _Prophet_ when the three other Marauders fell onto the bench at the Gryffindor table for breakfast. He was wearing a scarf. Sirius couldn’t decide if it was worse to know the hickey was there but not be able to see it, or to have to look at it on Remus’ bare neck all day.

 

“Mornin’ Moony,” James grinned, nudging him obnoxiously with an elbow.

 

“Cut it out, James, I’m not in the mood,” Remus said, flipping the page of the _Prophet_.

 

“You’d think a bloke would be in a better mood after being out all night _visiting someone’s restricted section_.”

 

Peter immediately started shaking his head at James, “Not your best, mate.”

 

“Still,” James went on, ignoring Peter. “What is it, then? Was she bad? All tongue, no skill?”

 

Sirius nearly choked on his eggs at that image, but managed to swallow.

  
“No, James,” Remus bit out. “I am not talking about this.”

 

James let out an exasperated sigh and tried to catch Sirius’ eye to get him to pitch in. Sirius looked down at his breakfast. Sirius was currently trying to moderate an intense inner conflict; half of him really, _really_ needed to know who Remus was snogging, and the other half really, _really_ didn’t want to know anything about it at all and was actually quite keen to ignore the whole situation. The only thing he knew for certain was that this conversation was making him want to punch something.

 

“We tell you about chicks we pull!” Peter pointed out, throwing in for James.

 

“Wish you wouldn’t,” Remus shot back.

 

“C’mon, I know you don’t mean that, Moony,” James cajoled. “Help me out, Pads!”

 

Sirius looked up from his plate and caught Remus’ eye; there was something there that Sirius couldn’t quite make out.

 

“Maybe he’s embarrassed,” Sirius suggested. “Maybe it was a Slytherin or something.”

 

James looked outraged, “You _wouldn’t!_ ” he demanded, turning on Remus.

 

Remus slammed the _Prophet_ down on the table, grabbed his rucksack, and walked out of the Great Hall without another word. Sirius watched him go, feeling like his internal organs were slowly filling with cement.

 

“He wouldn’t though, right?” James asked, looking from Sirius to Peter. “With a Slytherin, I mean?”

 

 

 

Remus sat with Lily and Marlene McKinnon in Charms that morning. Sirius, sitting directly behind him, watched them all laugh together as they worked on producing water from their wands. Sirius decided that the only thing worse than _Remus who was hooking up with some random bird_ was _Remus who wasn’t talking to Sirius._

 

He ditched James and Peter after class and ran to catch up with the three of them in the corridor. He reached out and caught Remus’ hand before they’d gone too far.

 

Remus turned, looking weary, and Sirius hated it. He hated it more than he hated knowing that stupid scarf was covering up a stupid hickey.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, which was a small miracle in and of itself. He wasn’t actually that sorry about accosting him last night, but he was sorry that he’d upset Remus so he figured that counted well enough. Sirius was standing so close to Remus that he could smell chocolate and rain; it calmed him. Sirius grinned for the first time that morning.

 

Remus looked a bit shocked, but returned the smile. “Sirius Black? Sorry?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Alert the _Prophet_ and all that.”

 

Remus waved the girls on; they shrugged and left him with Sirius, joining in the throng of students that was steadily filling the corridor.

 

“Don’t be cross with me?” Sirius asked him.

 

Remus shook his head, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, alright.” He said. “You’re still a nosy prat, though.”

 

“Not as bad as James.”

 

“James wasn’t waiting for me in my bed last night,” Remus pointed out.

 

Sirius’ breath caught in his chest. He suddenly realized that he was still holding Remus’ hand in his. He dropped it as if it had stung him and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “I – er – wanted to make sure you were alright.”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, but didn’t say anything. Peter and James caught up to them, shoving aside a group of third years rather violently.

 

Sirius elbowed James in the side when he was within range and shot a pointed look at Remus. James sighed, “Look,” he started, sounding apologetic. “While I _am_ a bit offended that –”

 

“Great apology James, let’s get to Transfiguration,” Sirius cut him off loudly. Remus shot him a grateful smile and his stomach did an embarrassing sort of barrel roll.

 

 _This shit is really getting out of hand_.

 

 

 

Sirius was held back after Transfiguration. He wasn’t sure why, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that all the Slytherins’ hair was transfigured to a Gryffindor red while their eyebrows somehow managed to simultaneously turn Gryffindor gold. James thumped him on the back when no one managed to change either back by themselves and McGonagall had to help sort them out.

 

James and Remus, who had only managed to change the color of their own eyebrows near the end of the lesson, patted him on the back as they left.

 

“Brilliant work,” James hissed under his breath as Peter nodded vigorously. Sirius bowed his head in acknowledgement.

 

Remus shook his head at him, but couldn’t quite keep the smile off of his face. Sirius thought that alone made it all worth it.

 

McGonagall gave him a Very Stern Talking To; but, honestly, Sirius thought she sounded more impressed at his grasp of the concept than anything else. Sirius swore she even gave him a conspiratorial wink as she rather reluctantly took ten points from Gryffindor and dismissed him without any other punishment. He shot her a wink back as he exited the classroom.

 

He looked around and saw Remus standing against the wall a little way down the corridor talking to a seventh year Ravenclaw prefect called Amanda Figg. She was laughing at something he was saying, throwing her long black hair over her shoulder.

 

Sirius scowled. Life was so much simpler when Remus wasn’t snogging anyone. _Honestly._

 

He walked down towards them, trying to coax his face into a pleasant expression. “Remus, Figg,” he greeted.

 

Remus turned to look at him and grinned, “Amanda was just telling me that we’re patrolling together this Friday.”

 

“Remus told me about the transfiguration you just managed,” Amanda grinned at him. Sirius fought hard not to scowl at her.

 

He shrugged, “Any chance to annoy some Slytherins is a chance I’ll take full advantage of.”

 

“As a prefect, I should probably mind,” Amanda said brightly, before leaning in. “But personally, those tossers deserve it.”

 

_Of course they fucking do, stop trying to woo Moony by being all bad-prefect._

 

“Glad we’re on the same page there,” Sirius flashed a grin at her. “Lunch?” He looked at Remus.

 

“James and Peter went down already,” Remus explained. “Apparently they were too hungry to wait even a second longer. Are you on lunch too, Amanda?”

 

Sirius was already vaguely suspicious about this Amanda bird. _Are you snogging my Moony?_

“Yes, I am,” she grinned at Remus, all teeth. Her long black hair was sleek down her back, her tie was perfectly knotted at her throat, and her Prefect badge looked like it was polished nightly. _Gross._

 

“Well, let’s go, then” Sirius said, aiming for an inviting tone and landing somewhere around ‘pleasant enough.’

 

They reached the Great Hall quickly, and Amanda departed to her own House Table.

 

“She’s nice,” Sirius said mildly.

 

“She is,” Remus agreed, spotting James and Peter and heading toward them.

 

“Is that her, then?” Sirius held his breath.

 

Remus shot him a look and he raised his eyebrows. “No, Padfoot.” He sighed heavily. “I am not snogging Amanda. Why can’t you just –”

 

“Just tell me who it is and I’ll leave you alone about it, I swear.”

 

“Why?” Remus stopped walking and turned to him. “Why do you need to know, Sirius?”

 

Sirius felt his pulse quicken under Remus’ stare. “I – er – I just –”

 

“Moony! Padfoot!” James called to them from his spot on the bench, waving to catch their attention. Remus turned and held up a hand to signal that he saw him.

 

“Actually, you go ahead,” Sirius said, looking from James and Peter to catch Remus’ eye. The edges of his lips tugged down as he looked into Remus’ honey-colored eyes. “I’m not really hungry.” He turned on his heel and left before Remus could argue, sure that if he stayed he’d say something he’d regret.

 

 

*

 

“Where’s Padfoot going?” James watched the other Marauder hurry out of the Great Hall.

 

“Dunno,” Remus muttered, dropping his bag and sliding onto the bench next to him. “Just said he wasn’t hungry and left.”

 

James frowned after him, before turning his gaze to Remus, “What were you talking about?”

 

Remus shrugged and tugged at his scarf, “Nothing, really.”

 

James looked like he wasn’t buying it, but Peter sighed, “Leave it.” He advised James. “Sirius’ been in a weird mood lately, I reckon we should just let him sort it out.”

 

James nodded absently, but Remus was still trying to calm his heartbeat. Lately it had gotten in the habit of speeding up whenever Sirius looked at him in certain ways, tightening strings across his chest. Remus, remembering the look on Sirius face before he turned to leave, felt these strings _thrum_ low and painful. That look and Sirius’ hurried departure _thrummed_ strings near the bottom of Remus’ chest, just above his stomach, and the reverberations hurt in a way that Remus couldn’t quite explain, even to himself.

 

Remus spent much of his life ignoring these stupid strings and decidedly _not_ thinking about what they might mean.

 

“You’re right, Pete,” James said, turning back to look across the table at him. He took the top slice of bread off of his sandwich and started to add bacon to it. “He’s been in a shit mood since, what, last Friday?”

 

Peter nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah, he was helping me with Transfiguration Thursday night and seemed fine, but the next morning was when he hexed Whats-Her-Face, that Hufflepuff bird that sits next to Moony in Defense, at breakfast.”

 

James took a bite of his now-baconed sandwich and chuckled, “She’s annoying, sure, but asking politely would have moved her out of the doorway just as well as that stinging hex.”

 

“Sirius isn’t known for politeness.”

 

“He is when it’s a pretty girl he can chat up,” James waved his sandwich at Peter before turning to Remus. “What do you think, Moony? Any idea what happened to piss Sirius off? He didn’t get another letter from his family, did he?”

 

“Not that I know of,” Remus managed to say. His mind was shouting about how Thursday night was the first time he’d stayed out past curfew with Benjy Fenwick, but that didn’t have anything to do with anything.

 

James hmm’d before, “Moody bugger. I’ll talk to him in Runes.”

 

“Probably best,” Remus said before taking a bite of his soup.

 

“Maybe he’s just annoyed you won’t tell him who you’re getting off with,” Peter smirked at him.

 

Remus leveled a stare, “I’ll leave.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Peter put his hands up.

 

“Everyone’s so damn _touchy_ lately,” James muttered.

 

Remus thought James’ was a fair assessment, but he wasn’t about to admit that. His chest strings were _thrumming_ a low rhythm now and he needed a distraction, like, _yesterday._

 

 

 

Remus and Peter dropped into their usual seats at the back of Muggle Studies not too much later; James abandoned them for Ancient Runes with Sirius.

 

“Did you do the reading?” Peter asked as he pulled his completed essay out of the thick textbook. The prompt - _Describe how muggles developed a sanitary sewage system and the process by which the magic community adopted and adapted it_ – was written across the top in large, blocky letters.

 

“Skimmed it,” Remus answered honestly. “There’s only so much detail about the topic I can tolerate.”

 

“Cheers,” Peter said flatly. “Think he’ll realize I’m an inch and a half short?”

 

Remus shrugged, glancing over at Peter’s large, sloppy handwriting, before pulling out his own neatly written essay. 

 

“You two enjoy this shit?” Remus’ most recent _distraction_ asked. Remus turned, seeing Benjy Fenwick, all long limbs and dark skin, walking past their row to drop his rucksack on the floor and fall into the seat in front of Remus’. He sat backwards in the chair, facing them. The scent of peppermint followed the Ravenclaw in and settled around Remus; he felt vaguely suffocated for reasons he didn’t understand.

 

“That the best you can do?” Peter laughed. “You’re full of shit, Fenwick.”

 

“Well, yeah, had to get my shit together to complete this thing, didn’t I?” Benjy folded his arms on the back of the chair and looked from Peter to Remus, a grin splitting his face. Remus remembered how it felt to kiss that mouth, feel that grin spread from Benjy’s mouth to his. He grinned back at him.

 

“How many shitty puns do you think Professor Mahal will have to suffer through?” Remus asked, watching as Benjy rummaged through his rucksack, pulled a peppermint candy from it, and popped it in his mouth.

 

“Oh, at least fifty,” Peter chuckled.

 

“Per essay,” Benjy added. He flicked the peppermint around in his mouth noisily; it clicked against his teeth. Remus tried not to cringe – had it always bothered him, that smell? That noise? He didn’t remember noticing it before.

 

Benjy finally sighed, “Speaking of essays, you two started the charms essay? A whole foot’s worth in two days? Flitwick’s a monster.”

 

“Got most of it done last night,” Peter told him, grinning. “Evans was around and I bribed her into helping me with a few Sugar Quills.”

 

Peter having answered affirmatively, Remus said, “I haven’t started, had to work on other things last night.”

 

_Like Benjy Fenwick’s body._

 

“I haven’t looked at it either,” Benjy sighed, shooting a quick glance at Remus. “Guess I’ll see you in the library again tonight, Lupin.” He grinned at him. Remus knew that when he saw him later in the library they wouldn’t be working on their Charms essays.

 

Remus waited for a happy _thrum_ of the strings in his chest, but none came. Vaguely annoyed at how temperamental his body was being, he found a smile, “Guess so - just keep your rowdy mates on your side of the library before I give them all detention.”

 

Peter groaned, “What’d we tell you about advertising your Prefect-ness? It’s bad for business, Moony.”

 

Remus rolled his eyes. Professor Mahal walked into the room and called them to order. Benjy turned back around in his seat as his Ravenclaw mates rushed into the room and filed into the seats next to him.

 

 

 

Sirius wasn’t around after classes. James told Remus and Peter that Sirius had shown up for his lesson, but hadn’t said much and had begged off just after. Thinking about Sirius was one way to get those damn strings _thrumming_ again, so Remus had escaped to the dormitory alone and worked on his Charms essay. Despite what he’d said in Muggle Studies, he was almost half way done with it. By the time dinner rolled around, Remus dried the ink with a spell and shoved the completed essay in his bag.

 

Remus met up with Peter and James in the common room – James had just finished demolishing Peter in chess. The other two waited while James ran up to grab an extra cloak for Quidditch practice after dinner, then they made their way to the Great Hall one Marauder short.

 

Remus scanned the hall as soon as they entered, and his stomach dropped when their missing mate wasn’t there.

 

“You sure he didn’t mention what was bothering him?” Remus asked James as they climbed onto the benches.

 

“Nope,” James said, frowning. “Told me to mind my business or else he’d give me something proper to worry about.”

 

“Charming,” Remus rolled his eyes.

 

“Don’t think it’s about his family, though,” James piled potatoes onto his plate. “He usually pokes me awake in the middle of the night to chat about it if it’s that.”

 

 _Sounds like Sirius,_ Remus thought. _Can’t admit to having human feelings when it’s light outside._

 

He thought about how Sirius had been waiting in his bed last night to confront him in a huff about his date. This time different strings, ones that felt much lighter, _strummed_ warmly.

 

_Helpful, that is._

 

“You know if he got detention from McGonagall?” Peter asked.

 

James’ face lit up with a wicked smile, “Nah, she just took ten points away. Sirius reckons she was more impressed than angry.”

 

Remus laughed, his chest strings hitting some seriously high notes up near his throat as he did so. Remus tried his best to ignore them again.

 

 

 

Later, Remus left Peter in the dormitory to _go work on his Charms essay_ in the library. He waved off Peter’s offer to let him copy, spouting something about wanting to learn it properly, and disappeared to the sound of Peter calling him a nerdy git.

 

As he walked, he pulled the Marauder’s Map out of his bag and tapped it with his wand, “ _I solemnly swear that I am up to no good._ ”

 

He grinned, as he always did, as the greeting unfurled on the parchment in his own neat hand. It was about an hour until sixth year curfew, so there were fewer people in the corridors than usual. He scanned the dots in the library and saw that Benjy was indeed there with two of his mates. He noticed James down in the Quidditch pitch’s locker rooms with the rest of the team; practice must be ending.

 

He finally let himself look around for Sirius. He had to scan three different panels, moving the Map around and zooming in and out for two minutes before he finally spotted him. Sirius’ dot was in a window ledge on the fourth floor, near a bunch of classrooms that hadn’t been used in decades, and he wasn’t alone.

 

There was another dot near his that read _Lily Evans_.

 

Remus furrowed his brow and tried to imagine what Sirius could be talking about with Lily. Sure, they hadn’t rowed much since the beginning of their sixth year, but Remus certainly wouldn’t call them mates. In fact, the last couple months were the first time that either Sirius or James had been able to hold normal conversation with the redhead – and even then it was best if it was short.

 

As he reached the library, Remus decided it wasn’t worth worrying over and cleared the map. He shoved it into his bag again and pulled open the heavy doors. He caught Benjy’s eye as he walked across the main section of tables and nodded his head in greeting. Benjy flashed him a grin in response.

 

Remus grinned back at him, but felt his heart wasn’t in it.

 

_What is wrong with me today?_

 

He proceeded back through the maze of books until he found his favorite table. It was a small table at a dead end, nestled between two thick rows of high bookshelves full of Defensive Magic books. Hardly anyone came back this far, and there were two sharp right turns necessary to reach the isolated area so Remus knew he – or _they,_ as the case may be – were unlikely to be disturbed. To be cautious, he set up a trip-jinx that would warn him if anyone walked past the first turn.

 

Sitting down at the table, he opened his bag and pulled out _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_ , intent on starting the essay McGonagall had assigned while he waited for Benjy to ditch his friends. The Map threatened to come out with it, and for a minute he almost let it ( _Were Sirius and Lily still talking?_ ), but decided against it.

 

Instead, his essay all but forgotten, he opened the book to the section on the hair color transfiguration spell and set about trying to figure out how Sirius managed to simultaneously cast the _Crinus Muto_ spell on every Slytherin in class.

 

After reading the first two pages, Remus became pretty convinced that Sirius had made up whatever version of the spell he’d cast. It had to be a derivation of _Crinus Muto_ , but how he had amplified the spell? Maybe Sirius had pulled some old Latin conjugation from the recesses of his Pureblood childhood?

 

“You’re not planning to actually work on the Charms essay, are you?”

 

Remus jumped at the question, spinning around and wondering how the hell someone got past his warning trip jinx.

 

Benjy chuckled from his spot leaning against a bookshelf, “It was too low,” he said, answering his unspoken question. “I saw it; stepped over it.”

 

“Damn,” Remus muttered, closing his book and pushing it back into his rucksack. He stood up and faced Benjy, leaning back against the table and crossing his arms.

 

“I set one a bit higher too – no one will be able to limbo between them now.”

 

“Good thinking,” Remus smiled at him. It still felt a bit forced.

 

There was a beat of silence, but before Remus could start feeling awkward, Benjy nodded toward the table, “What were you working on?”

 

“Nothing, really,” Remus shrugged. “Sirius managed to transform all of the Slytherin’s hair red and gold with a spell today in Transfiguration, I was trying to figure out how he did it.”

 

Benjy’s eyebrows shot up, “All at once?”

 

Remus nodded, grinning for real this time.

 

“Impressive,” Benjy said. “I barely managed to do my own eyebrow. Transfiguration isn’t my best subject.”

 

“Yeah? What is?”

 

“History of Magic.”

 

Remus laughed, “You’re not serious.”

 

“Am so,” Benjy grinned, all teeth. “I’m a history buff.”

 

Remus raised an eyebrow.

 

“Okay, the photographic memory doesn’t hurt either.”

 

Remus chuckled again and Benjy stood from the bookshelf and walked over to him. With a swooping sensation in his stomach that wasn’t entirely pleasant, Remus realized that he half-wished Benjy would stay where he was and they could just keep talking.

 

Where was _that_ coming from? He’d been just fine with _not talking_ to Benjy yesterday…

 

“You know what else my photographic memory is good for, Lupin?” Benjy said, coming close and tugging Remus forward by the waist. Benjy’s other hand pulled off Remus’ scarf and tossed it lazily onto the table behind him.

 

“Hmmm?” Remus asked, closing his eyes as Benjy leaned down to kiss his jaw near his ear.

 

“I can remember exactly,” he kissed lower on his jaw “where you” another, on the corner of his mouth, “like to be kissed.” Finally, Benjy pulled Remus flush against him and kissed him hard on the mouth.

 

Remus brought his hands to Benjy’s face, neck, threaded one into his short curly hair.

 

Snogging Benjy was nice. Sure, it was a bit like snogging a piece of peppermint candy, which probably should have been nice, but somehow was off-putting to Remus now. Benjy also used his tongue in a weird way – _too much, maybe?_ – but, honestly, there weren’t many blokes who liked blokes at Hogwarts, so Remus told himself he couldn’t be picky.

 

One of Benjy’s hand was sliding around from its spot on Remus’ hip and sneaking under the hem of Remus’ shirt. Remus broke away and ran his teeth over his bottom lip before tilting his head, adjusting the angle, and kissing Benjy again. When Benjy’s hand managed to slip under Remus’ shirt and his palm pressed flat against the small of his back, Remus felt a pricking sensation travel up his spine that was quite different from the one he was used to in these situations.

 

Was his skin _crawling?_  


What the _hell?_

 

Instead of addressing this new feeling, Remus did what he did best and ignored it. He told himself that he was enjoying this. That he was attracted to Benjy. That just last night Benjy had had his mouth on very sensitive places on Remus’ body and he’d quite enjoyed _that_.

 

“Mmm,” Benjy hummed happily, pressing close to Remus as he broke away and mouthed at Remus’ jaw again. Remus ran his hand up through the back of Benjy’s hair, pulling on the ends. His other hand slid down Benjy’s arm and tightened in the crease of his elbow.

 

Benjy made his way down Remus’ neck and when Remus felt his tongue on his pulse point follows by a sharp suck, Remus used Benjy’s hair to pull the bloke back, “Oh, not again.” He breathed, trying to keep the annoying annoyance he felt out of his voice. “My mates will never leave me alone if I come back with another mark.”

 

Benjy looked at him, an expression Remus couldn’t read passing over his face, before he grinned, “Well,” his hands disappeared from Remus’ back and hip; went to his belt. “Let me make up for all that horrid teasing I’ve caused you, then.” He was making quick work of Remus’ belt; Remus just let it happen. “Unless you think your _mates_ will get close enough to know about this too?” he added sarcastically, smirking up at Remus.

 

At that, Remus had a sudden, inappropriate flash of images that he didn’t expect _at all_. In his mind, he saw _Sirius_ unbuckling his belt, grinning that slow-spreading grin that made Remus’ heart dance, and telling him quite plainly exactly what he was about to do.

 

His chest tightened into those damn strings again and his pulse quickened.

 

But then he blinked and it was Benjy’s voice telling him what he was about to do; Benjy slipping his fingers lightly under the waistband of Remus’ pants.

 

His heart dropped so hard, Remus thought he could hear it hit the floor.

 

_Oh, Merlin._

Blood rushed to his face. He tried to take a deep breath and couldn’t quite manage it. His mind was spinning.

 

He didn’t –

 

He _couldn’t –_

 

He closed his eyes and, unbidden, an image of Sirius stretched out on his bed in his pajama pants but no shirt, grinning up at him and spinning his wand around his long fingers in that distracted habit he had. _“Alright, Moony?”_ Sirius-in-his-mind asked. Remus’ chest swelled.

 

_Fuck._

 

He opened his eyes, saw that Benjy had finished with his belt and started working on the button of his trousers. Remus put a hand on his chest and pushed him back, “Wait.” He said, his voice shaking.

 

Benjy’s fingers stilled. He looked up. “Alright, Lupin?” he asked. Remus winced.

 

_Oh, Merlin. Oh, fucking Merlin._

 

“Er – listen, I need to go,” Remus took a step sideways and spun around, turning his back to Benjy and quickly gathering his things, shoving his scarf in his bag.

  
“ _What?_ ” Benjy sounded shocked. “I – you – what’d I do?”

 

Remus finished zipping his bag and quickly did up his belt again. “Nothing, nothing,” he muttered.

 

He went to swing his bag onto his shoulder, but Benjy put a hand on it, “Wait a second,” he said, sounding more annoyed than anything. “What’s going on?”

 

Remus turned to look at him, his own face hot and – he was sure – bright red. “I’m leaving,” he said. He needed to escape, needed to leave, needed to figure out why the thought of one of his best mates going down on him _was still in the back of his bloody mind_ and why that thought made his chest feel all warm and content.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Benjy stared at him, a mixture of hurt and annoyance written plainly on his face. Remus’ stomach twisted at his expression.

 

 _Oh, now you respond to him_. He thought bitterly at his traitorous body.

 

“It’s not you, you didn’t do anything, I just –”

 

Benjy snorted, “Did you just really _‘it’s not you, it’s me’_ me?”

 

Remus flushed deeper, if possible. “Look, this was a bad idea,” he tried.

 

“You didn’t think that last night when we –”

 

“I know,” Remus hissed over him. “I just – I can’t do this, okay.”

 

“Why not?” Benjy demanded.

 

 _Because I just pictured you as Sirius and liked that idea more than I like the thought of you going down on me_.

 

 _ALSO YOU ARE BASICALLY A WALKING PEPPERMINT CANDY AND IT’S SLIGHTLY DISTURBING_.

 

“I don’t know,” Remus finally managed, silencing his thoughts. “I’m sorry.” He knew it wasn’t enough, that he wasn’t making any sense. Benjy was staring at him as if he just grew an extra head.

 

Taking advantage of Benjy’s stunned disbelief at the turn of events, Remus tugged his bag out from under Benjy’s hand and swung it over his shoulder.

 

He very nearly _ran_ away from Benjy before he had to say anything else, before he had to explain properly. He felt like the worst person in the world… but in the back of his mind Sirius was grinning and somehow that made him feel better.

 

 

 

Remus was the only one in the dormitory when he got back. He’d passed Peter and James in the common room, but hadn’t paid them much attention. In his frantic departure, he hadn’t even thought to check the map to see where the relevant Marauder was.

 

He quickly changed into his pajamas and then, with a sigh, decided to lean into it and collapsed onto Sirius’ empty four poster and drew the curtains shut.

 

Remus wasn’t sure how long he laid there, staring up at what he counted to be one hundred and seventeen scorched tally marks and thinking through what would surely going to turn out to be a devastating revelation. Slowly, his pulse slowed. He felt himself relax against Sirius’ duvet, the smell of Sirius’ lavender soap with undertones of _dog_ calming his tense body.

 

Eventually, he heard the door to the dormitory open and slam close. The footsteps stopped for a second and then quickened over to the bed before the curtains were ripped open.

 

“Hello,” Remus grinned up at Sirius, who looked puzzled and… something else less obvious that Remus couldn’t quite pin down.

 

“Moony?”

 

“What are these again?” Remus asked, waving a hand up at the tally marks.

 

Sirius looked from Remus to the canopy and back. A slow, secret grin spread over his face and Remus’ chest strings tightened and, for the first time, Remus didn’t try ignore the reason behind it. He let that grin pluck out a few high notes near his lungs, leaving him breathless.

 

_He bloody fancied Sirius bloody Black. Shit._

 

“Depends on who you ask,” Sirius told him. He threw his rucksack down and ran a hand through his hair. ( _Remus totally wasn’t distracted by that at all, thanks for asking._ ) “Told James I was marking how many times Evans turned him down.”

 

Remus laughed and Sirius grinned wider. _Strummm._ “And Peter?”

 

“How many times Padfoot thought about eating him.”

 

Remus laughed harder and Sirius joined in as he tugged off his robes. As he pulled his shirt over his head, Remus’ breath caught and he stopped laughing because suddenly nothing was funny and everything was _Sirius_.

 

The bloke in question turned to locate his pajama shirt and Remus saw the long scar that extended from the front of his hipbone back into his armpit. The other three Marauders steadfastly claimed that James was the one who gave Sirius the scar, but their eyes were always a little shifty when he asked about it directly. Remus closed his eyes, torn between a few emotions at the sight.

 

“What about me?” he asked.

 

“What?” Sirius asked, and Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius turn with the pajama shirt in his hand.

 

“What if _I_ ask you what they are?” Remus clarified.

 

Sirius’ eyes widened the smallest amount; Remus barely caught the movement. Sirius took a breath, then grinned half-heartedly, “I’d say we all have secrets, don’t we, Moony?” Sirius’ eyes slipped to Remus’ neck and Remus felt his face grow hot.

 

He cleared his throat – it felt like something was stuck there – and said, “Look, about that –”

 

“No,” Sirius waved a hand at him and then pulled his shirt over his head. “No, you don’t have to do that, okay? I don’t need to know.”

 

Remus drew his eyebrows down, “But all day you –”

 

“Yeah,” Sirius said. “I know. I’m sorry I was being a prat.”

 

“Maybe, but just now I –”

 

Sirius cut across him, “Really, it’s okay. I don’t want to know.”

 

Remus huffed and looked back up at the tally marks as Sirius traded his pants for pajama bottoms. Remus wanted to explain, but knew he probably wouldn’t have the nerve to do so even if Sirius would let him. Sirius climbed onto the bed next to Remus, under the covers that Remus was on top of, and pulled the curtains closed before turning to face him.

 

“Moony, what are you thinking about?” he asked softly. “Your eyes have that look right now.”

 

“What look?” Remus asked, fighting the smile tugging at the corner of mouth against his will.

 

“The one where I know you’re thinking about something that’s upsetting you.”

 

Remus turned on his side and suddenly his and Sirius’ faces were only half a foot apart. The strings in his chest gave a nervous sort of vibration and he lost whatever nerve he had in the first place.

 

“What were you talking with Lily about earlier?” Remus asked, his voice low and soft.

 

Sirius’ eyebrows flew up, “Spying on me, were you?”

 

Remus felt a flush creep up on him again and willed it to behave. “No, I was looking for – ah – someone else and –”

 

“Right, well,” Sirius cut him off again. He took a deep breath and let it out. His breath _didn’t_ reek of peppermint and it was nonsensical how it made Remus feel warm all over. “I was working on my Charms essay and Evans was patrolling and found me. She tried to tell me off for being out after curfew, but I wasn’t so I told her to shove off.”

 

“Of course you did,” Remus grinned at him.

 

He grinned back. “And then, well, you know how she’s into Charms – personally, I think she’s got a thing for Flitwick – anyway, we got to talking and, you know, she’s not so bad when she’s not giving into you. Smart bird, really.”

 

“I’ve been trying to tell you that for years.”

 

“I’ll deny I said so if it gets out,” Sirius narrowed his eyes at him.

 

Remus shook his head, “Ridiculous.”

 

“Nah, I’m Sirius.”

 

Remus groaned loudly.

 

Sirius grinned a grin that made Remus’ heart do a little flip and his chest _strum_ happily all over again, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll put a sickle in the jar.”

 

They lay there, absurdly grinning at each other for a beat or two. Then, when silence had settled comfortably, Remus’ eyes traced the slope of Sirius’ nose, the curves of his lips, settled onto his bright grey eyes, and he had that mad urge to snog him. Before he knew what he was doing, mainly to stop himself from leaning forward and pressing his lips to Sirius’, Remus said, “I ended it tonight.”

 

Sirius’ grin fell and he searched Remus’ face intently. Despite all Sirius’ _not wanting to know_ when he said, “ _What?_ ” it was in a very sharp tone.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why?” Sirius breathed.

 

“I didn’t like keeping things from you,” Remus said back, just as quietly.

 

They stared at each other for a moment.

 

“You - you mean the three of us?” Sirius finally asked, and Remus remembered that he’d been keeping the same secret from James and Peter all day.

 

_Merlin, he must have made Sirius uncomfortable. Shit, shit, shit._

 

“Er – yeah.” Remus finally answered, a little bit too late to be entirely genuine, and tried to keep from blushing yet again.

 

Sirius was staring at him again, an expression on his face that Remus couldn’t read. “That’s all? That’s the only reason why?”

 

More to give himself time to avoid answering than anything, Remus rolled back over onto his back.

 

“What was it you said earlier?” Remus said, the tally marks mocking him from the canopy above his head. “We all have our secrets, don’t we?”

 

 

 


End file.
